Editor's Note: Pamela Miller is member of Greater Phoenix Mensa and a regular contributor to their newsletter, Much Ado About Mensa (a.k.a. the MAAM). After making the mistake of asking to see some of our old newsletters she sent me an e-mail stating, “On Saturday night, after having read every Borderline newsletter since 1996, I was given an idea.” You can read more of Pamela’s writing online at http://www.adelicateflower.com.
1) Day of the week:
Write Your Own Doug Miller Story
By Pamela Miller ©2004
2) Bad Decision
3) Think Again
4) Use of a Yoda Quote to guide action
- "Always two there are, a master and an apprentice."
- "Lost a planet, Obi Wan has...hmm hee hee!!!"
- "Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try."
- "Beware of the dark side. Anger...fear...aggression. The dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight."
- "Concentrate...feel the Force flow. Yes. Good. Calm, yes. Through the Force, things you will see. Other places. The future...the past. Old friends long gone."
- "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
- "Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future."
- "Already know you that which you need"
- "Size matters not! Judge me by my size, do you?"
- "You must unlearn what you have learned." "Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will..."
- "A Jedi's strength flows from the Force."
- Camel Menthol Cigarettes
- Something cooked in the back of a migrant worker's vehicle, sold in the Safeway parking lot
- Slim Jim
- Larvitos (baby tequila worms baked -not fried- to a satisfying crunchiness)
- Diet Coke
- Chicken Strips from Popeyes
- Snack chips
- Carnival Food
7) Women in his life
- Phil (If Phil unavailable, choose...)
- Rich (If Rich unavailable, choose...)
- Blonde Mike (If Blonde Mike unavailable, choose...)
- Steve (If Steve unavailable, choose...)
- Brothers of Doug (If Brothers of Doug unavailable, choose...)
- Drunken call/ e-mail to Pamela
- Topless lesbians (one with a badly infected finger that turned out not to be gangrene)
- Inappropriate church fix-up
- Inappropriate co-worker fix-up
- Fantasy Women
- Klingon Woman in Las Vegas
- Nameless Porn Star/ Unknown Genre
- Pamela writing a story about him (the writing part is the fantasy, nothing else)
9) Series of Unfortunate Events
- Klingon Wine
- Romulan Ale
- Captain Morgan's Rum
- Stoli Vanilla
- Twisted Lime
- Beer Float
- Bloody Mary
- Bicycle accident
- Car breaks down due to chocolate pudding
- Passing out while giving blood
- Blacking out at a STAR WARS viewing
- Blind date
- Allowing topless lesbians to take over his home
- Car broken into/impounded
- Decision to skip the entire 10th Grade
- Decision to chase a possum
- Decision to move in with someone
- Drinking too much
- Spending his whole salary at Happy Hours, dance clubs, bars, restaurants
- Skinned knee
- Need to use smoke-free cars; Calling Rich for help
- No longer able to donate blood
- Ambulance called; management feared for his life
- Hopelessly awkward evening
- Loss of privacy
- Wasted day
- Enrollment in Alternative School--which turned out for the best
- Another woodland creature related injury
- Loss of home, beer bottle collection, and porn
- Dancing with Naomi's purse for no apparent reason
- Doug's face in Pamela's cleavage
- Waking up in a strange place
- Price of alcohol raised in Sierra Vista
- Nothing learned and has survived to tell the tale
- If drunk then screw up, else drink more
- Blames the possum for him injuries when he shouldn't have tried to attack a possum
- Out of cigarettes, alcohol
- Complains that Pamela is more prolific even though her life isn't nearly as chaotic and thus less interesting
- Voted Loc Sec. Appointed as webmaster, newsletter editor, and RG chair.
Copyright © 2004 by Pamela Miller
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